Goin' With the Flow

I couldn’t sleep again last night. I guess it was because I was so restless yesterday. I had another (the 2nd) dream the other night that we were told we were not approved for the adoption. I can’t remember the details of this one though. I just remember being mad after I read our home study and felt like our case worker painted an inaccurate picture of our family, but that’s all I remember.
The case worker has my work email address so once I leave work for the day I feel lost, like I am going to miss her email. She does have my number and hopefully would call, but normally we correspond by email. I am leaving work early today to register Nick for school so I will be surprised if we hear anything before I leave today. Then I plan on going to church tonight. I guess that’s really where I need to place my focus right now, and always, as far as that is concerned. I know I sound like a complete mess and I feel that way too, but I don’t think anyone else looking in from the outside can see it. I am functioning as normal, kinda. My writing is just how I’m feeling on the inside. Things others would never know, unless you read this. LOL. It’s ALWAYS in the back of my mind. Right now I can’t even daydream about finding the perfect fit for our family. It just makes me more anxious and excited. I am in robot mode right now. Just goin’ with the flow! I rarely even bring up the adoption in conversation unless someone else brings it up first. I appreciate when people do bring it up. It shows they care and are supportive. There are some that even seem to ignore the issue intentionally and that hurts. There are some that act like they don’t want to talk about it. I don’t understand it and I wish I could write about it, but I don’t want to address anyone personally on here. It does hurt me, but I try to understand. It scares me because I don’t know what it will be like after the fact with the ones that don’t seem to want to talk about it now. It can’t be ignored then. I have a feeling this child, whoever she, he or they are, is going to change a lot of lives in many different ways. Hopefully in a good way!