Trying to Focus

This is the time of year I get real antsy. I want to stay home and be a mom and wife. I don’t know what it is about this time of year. Maybe it’s because when we homeschooled we would get up and the first thing we did was open the windows and doors. No t.v. the kids would read their books and do their work while I made breakfast. It was so calm and peaceful. I absolutely loved it. So, needless to say, work is a real struggle for me lately. I don’t like whining about it, but sometimes I do *smile*. I wish I enjoyed work like some people do. That anxiousness on top of the adoption anxiousness makes it almost impossible to concentrate on work. I feel like I am pretty useless at the moment. Don’t get me wrong, I do my work but it’s forced and we really don’t have a lot to stay busy at the moment. That being said I am still very thankful to have a paycheck.
As far as the adoption, like I said, concentration is hard. I can’t sleep or focus. We are so excited and anxious to hear about the children we have submitted on. We should hear in early October. We are up against many other families so if we are matched I will know it was by God. And maybe I shouldn’t have shared with so many people before it’s more certain, but I have wonderful friends and family that I know will pray with us. I want everyone who has supported us to be a part. We appreciate it so much.
I think we are a perfect match for them, of course. I wonder if every family feels that way? I haven’t gotten this feeling but with one other child that I was too late to even submit our homestudy on before she was matched. I see them fitting so well into our family. I really get a secure feeling that WE are the ones for them. On the other hand, as strong as that feeling is for me, I don’t want to get my hopes up so high. I will be very disappointed if we aren’t chosen. I can tell myself its God’s plan and move forward, but it will be heart breaking. I know others have been waiting much longer than we have. I do want what is best for the kids. I have developed a very nervous habit of picking at my cuticles with all of this going on. They look horrible and I am trying real hard to stop. I guess that’s what waiting is doing to me!

I receive a daily email called Daily Encouragement and today’s passage was about (Matthew 25:40) "When Jesus saw this, He was indignant. He said to them, 'Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these'" (Mark 10:14). "I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me". They always conclude with a prayer that I thought was fitting for my day and really defines adoption for me…….
Father, You welcome all to be a part of Your kingdom: the young and the old, the weak and the strong, those born in ideal circumstances and those conceived in the worst imaginable settings. All the days ordained for our lives were written in Your book before one of them came to be. May our welcoming voices and warm touch make an eternal difference to innocent lives born in our hostile world, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.