Looks Can Be Deceiving

I have started to blog several times and just deleted it all because I have no updates. Absolutely nothing. I finally called the agency last Thursday because I thought we were supposed to get something in the mail about our homestudy approval which was August 14. She said yes, it was just signed that morning and would be in the mail Friday morning. I still have not gotten anything. It’s frustrating. I don’t feel like we can be too pushy. We were warned about the waiting and it has only been 4 ½ weeks since our approval. It took longer than that to get the approval. But right now I feel kind of “forgotten”. It feels like it’s just not gonna happen. Like we will end up just throwing our arms up and saying oh well, it didn’t work out for us. I know realistically that’s not the case, but that sure is how it feels. Mark feels like the agency isn’t doing their job. That they should be more proactive. I agree to an extent, but don’t feel like we have a right to complain about it. If we were paying big bucks then I would have no problem telling them how I feel, but we aren’t. Mark and I rarely discuss it because I know he gets irritated that we haven’t heard a word and its just not a conversation I feel like having. I am frustrated too. I try to avoid the subject unless I have news or something. It’s discouraging, but we aren’t letting it interfere with our life. I do still wake up every morning wondering if today will be the day my phone rings, but that’s about as far as it goes. I have it in the back of my mind all day every day, but its behind all the other things going on…………..work, school, kids, homework, dinner, etc. We have three beautiful, healthy kids right now that mean the world to us and that’s what matters.

There is a girl on the adoption website that is around 4 or 5 and absolutely BEAUTIFUL! She has blue eyes and brown curly hair with a big, a fluffy bow in her hair and a huge smile! From the outside she appears to be a normal, happy, healthy child, but when you read her profile it reveals just the opposite. She suffers from Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. She goes days at a time with very little sleep and has to be supervised constantly. She suffers from ataxia.

Persistent ataxia usually results from damage to your cerebellum — the part of your brain that controls muscle coordination. Many conditions may cause ataxia, including alcohol abuse, stroke, tumor, cerebral palsy and multiple sclerosis.

Obviously, hers is from her mother’s alcohol abuse when pregnant. That is just so sad. It breaks my heart! It also states she cannot be in a home with animals. It makes you wonder why. They don’t tell you that in the profile. It’s so hard to imagine someone who is so small and angelic being a hazard. It just really blows my mind. It makes me want to give a child like that a chance. It makes me wonder if they can overcome any of those obstacles with a family and love. But that’s a risk I can’t take right now. I don’t know if I could ever take that big of a risk. The risk that she may not ever overcome her challenges or lead a normal life. I just don’t know if I could handle it. I admire people who do deal with children like that, either adopted or their own. It’s such a huge, huge sacrifice! And if I didn’t have to work I may consider it more seriously, but it sounds very exhausting. This particular child was on the website for a day before and taken off to just recently be added again. I check the site several times a day *smile*. Makes me wonder if she had been matched and it didn’t work out. I look at her face and try to imagine the things they say being that bad and I just can't. It is just a sad situation all the way around. I just do not understand! Ok, enough depressing stuff. Say a prayer for this baby. I have gone ahead and included her picture because it comes from a public website that anyone can view. Hopefully I won’t get in trouble for adding it !
Hopefully we will hear something from someone soon and I will have a happy update. Like the day we were approved, on Marks birthday! That was a great day!!