My Wits End

In adoption I am learning no matter how sure you are that you cover all your bases and try to prevent disappointment or how sure you are that there is nothing that can happen…….you are WRONG. I emailed everyone I needed to email and covered all my bases to make sure our homestudy was sent out and was sure it was done, confirmed it was done and I would hear back by today like I was told. I did know there was a possibility they wouldn’t get back to me today but I was sure my homestudy was out and being reviewed. NOPE. They did contact me today like they said but it was to tell me they never got the homestudy! They got the email about my homestudy, but NO attachment!!! I never in a million years saw this coming. Shock isn’t even the word. Disbelief maybe, who knows. Will this EVER really happen??? We are back at square one with this child. The one I thought the worker was anxious to get back to us on. Obviously, it doesn’t even help for me to follow up and cover my bases. Why bother? You are completely at the mercy of when and how someone else wants to handle your situation, and IF, for that matter! They don’t tell you to expect every single step of the way that SOMETHING will not flow smoothly and that they are not exaggerating. Every step of the way some unexpected curve is thrown into the path! Right now I just want to sit back and do nothing. Just watch the advertisements and the campaigns trying to recruit and encourage more people to consider adoption while I sit, along with many others, and just WAIT. Wait for them to use the families that have already invested the time and hard work. The ones that are ready, anxious and available while they keep recruiting for more people to get in line and start the long, tiring, frustrating process of waiting months and years at their mercy. Feeling like you are being pushed down, poked, let down, and cut in front of just to see how much you can take before you break all the while dangling the beautiful picture of harmony and peace in front of your eyes just out of your reach wondering if you’ll really ever get there.