God Has Prepared Me

I had a dream last night that our case worker called and told us we were accepted but we had to work on our plans for disciplining. I know I dreamt that because our kids have not been in a whole lot of trouble and that was one of her questions during the homestudy. I was actually a little speech-less at first because I know what works for my kids probably won’t work on these kids. I am a believer in the good old fashioned spanking, but with adoption you have to agree not to use that as a consequence and honestly, if you end up with a child that has been hit or abused they will probably just laugh at you if you spank them. They have endured much worse. That is why we had to attend the Parent Adoptive Training class. We learned different ways to discipline and until I am actually face to face with that dilemma I have a hard time answering that question. I think it will just be instinctual.
Anyway, the more days that pass, the more I believe THIS is what I am supposed to do. Every life has a direction, a plan, a meaning. I have often wondered “WHAT is my purpose?”. I think this may be it. We will see if I still feel that way a year from now!
As I have said, adoption as always been in the back of my mind. Just waiting for the right time. I think the light in my head finally came on when I worked at the daycare. I always felt like I could NEVER love another child as much as my own. I didn’t think I was capable. I didn’t think I could bring another child into my home and not favor my own. UNTIL I worked at the daycare. Yes, of course, there were ones that are hard to love. Ones that take every ounce of patience and tolerance to stand. I know that sounds horrible, but it’s true. I tried to love them all but some were just not lovable. I instead felt sorry for them. Those children are definitely few. The majority of them I was able to love just like my own. I became very attached to some of them. I looked forward to seeing them and was disappointed if they didn’t show up. I had every childs best interest at heart, honestly. There was even one at the time that was in CPS custody and a possible adoption option for us. We definitely considered it and just waited for the opportunity. The opportunity never arose and he ended up being adopted by the lady that was caring for him. Obviously, that wasn’t meant to be at that time. I can look back now and see that it wasn’t. I knew without a doubt during that time that I WAS capable of loving another child, just as much as my own! That experience changed my life. I was one of those people that kids got on my nerves! It’s hard to even admit that. I guess working at a daycare can make you decide you either NEVER want kids or you love them. I would never have guessed in a million years that I would enjoy that job, but it was the most fulfilling and rewarding position I have ever had. And now, we are adopting! It’s amazing the paths your life can take when you open your mind!