*SIGH*

Well, its been 7 weeks since our homestudy. I am at "that" point today. I'm tired of waiting. I'm ready for something, anything! Nothing has happened in those 7 weeks except waiting and wondering. I know it probably doesn't sound like a long time, but it feels like eternity to me. There is nothing I can do to speed it up or make it go faster. I try to stay positive, but today its finally worn me down. I know in the big scheme of things it will happen eventually and at the right time. And I know its not that big of a deal that it happens quickly, but everyone knows what its like to be anxious, excited, waiting, anticipating, only to have another day come and go with nothing! *sigh* I will be ok of course. I just need to gripe and vent a little. I guess I have plenty of house cleaning and lawn work to keep me busy this weekend while Mark is working! Heaven knows there is always plenty of that! I did email the case worker today and there was no new news. Boo! So........... on to another week. Thanks for listening to my venting!

Its So Clear

I usually don't post twice in one day but I have to post about this.
Brendan went to a friends house tonight and called me at 9p.m. to come pick him up. It takes me about 4 or 5 minutes to drive where I need to pick him up. I got in the car and turned up the radio. It was on 94.9 and the DJ was just finishing up talking and said "We are on tonight talking about ADOPTION! We want callers to call in and tell us of their adoption experience." The caller they took was an adopted adult. She told how her parents could not have children and adopted her and her brother. She just found out she was not able to have children and talked to her "mother" about her experience. Her mother told her how the grandfather didn't think he could love children that were not "his". He ended up loving them, of course, and said before he died that he never knew they weren't "his". She ended by saying if anyone is thinking of adopting and has those fears please consider following through and receive the blessings!!!! Brendan had gotten in the car by this point and I was trying so hard not to just BREAK DOWN! I didn't want him to think his mom was totally insane *ha*!! I was pretty overwhelmed hearing that. I felt like it was just one more indication RIGHT IN MY FACE, DIRECTLY TO ME that we are doing the right thing and not to be afraid........................I got home and came in the house and turned on the radio and the very next caller was adopted from the SAME adoption agency WE are using!!!! AWESOME!

Restlessness

I couldn’t sleep last night. I was suddenly filled with anxiousness when I was lying in bed to go to sleep. I felt like maybe something big was going to happen today. Nothing has happened yet, maybe it was just a sixth sense detecting the storms that headed our way early this morning. Who knows, but I could not clear my mind to sleep. We will see how the day plays out!
I have never been into politics. I know I should care more than I do. It’s part of what is shaping the my children’s future. I did pay more attention to the election this year, but even more recently I heard something very disturbing. Obama is really pushing his health care bill right now. It is an 1100 page bill. Imagine having to read through that. Imagine the elected officials that DO NOT read through it, but pass it anyway. Thankfully, some have been reading it carefully and have slowed it down a bit. If the healthcare bill is passed then taxpayers, including pro-life taxpayers, will be funding abortion with their tax dollars. They do not use the word “abortion” in the bill, but it is covered under topics like “reproductive planning”. Scary!
We missed our reading time last night. We had church instead, much needed though! We had a missionary from Egypt speaking last night. It was very interesting and coincidental because I have been learning a lot about the Muslim religion lately. It is very eye opening. I am fascinated with life and religion of other nationalities.
I know I write a lot and probably bore a lot of you! Sorry if I do, this is a type of diary for me and I get side-tracked sometimes from the reason I started the blog…………..the adoption updates. But right now, I am trying to occupy my mind so the waiting doesn’t drive me nuts!!! Soooo, please excuse my idle rambling (*smile*) while we wait for the exciting times!

Discovering The Love of Reading

The kids have summer reading they were supposed to do before school started. Yes, I am a procrastinator and we are getting a late start on it! I did not like English at all when I was in school. I was in the advanced English classes, but rarely read an entire book. I managed to slide by and still make good grades. I hated reading! I try to encourage it in my kids, but it’s hard since I don’t share a love of reading. But we have found a positive in the fact that Mark is having to work nights right now. We have started reading their books together before bedtime. I have really enjoyed it. I am actually ENJOYING reading and listening to them read. I feel like I am playing catch up on all the reading and classic books I never read when I was in high school. Brendan is going into 5th grade and his book is pretty difficult to read. It may be because he is attending the charter school this year instead of the public school. I am still praying Allison gets in to the charter school as well before school starts. As of now, she still has to go to the public school. So, for now, she is doing the summer reading required by the charter school “just in case”! (I’m kind of counting on her getting in.) Plus, it’s good for her to do the reading AND her book is pretty good too! Obviously, the curriculum at the charter school is going to be more demanding. Summer reading is not required in the public school until 10th grade and then it is only if you are in the Advanced class. I am kind of dreading the more rigorous curriculum, but I know it will be worth it. It’s such a short time they spend in school. Nick only has 3 years left!! The hard work now will pay off later! I look forward to our nightly reading time. I guess when Mark goes back to days we will have to make a point to continue our nightly reading. It’s been good thing! Please keep us in mind while we wait to hear if Allison gets to go to the charter school. It will be short of a miracle if she gets in. She is #27 on the waiting list. She is really wanting to go there as well. It will be such a better environment for them and the best year for her to make a change before she enters high school.

No other news. I wake up each morning thinking THIS could be the day. The day I here from the case worker! I will post as soon as I here from her!

God Has Prepared Me

I had a dream last night that our case worker called and told us we were accepted but we had to work on our plans for disciplining. I know I dreamt that because our kids have not been in a whole lot of trouble and that was one of her questions during the homestudy. I was actually a little speech-less at first because I know what works for my kids probably won’t work on these kids. I am a believer in the good old fashioned spanking, but with adoption you have to agree not to use that as a consequence and honestly, if you end up with a child that has been hit or abused they will probably just laugh at you if you spank them. They have endured much worse. That is why we had to attend the Parent Adoptive Training class. We learned different ways to discipline and until I am actually face to face with that dilemma I have a hard time answering that question. I think it will just be instinctual.
Anyway, the more days that pass, the more I believe THIS is what I am supposed to do. Every life has a direction, a plan, a meaning. I have often wondered “WHAT is my purpose?”. I think this may be it. We will see if I still feel that way a year from now!
As I have said, adoption as always been in the back of my mind. Just waiting for the right time. I think the light in my head finally came on when I worked at the daycare. I always felt like I could NEVER love another child as much as my own. I didn’t think I was capable. I didn’t think I could bring another child into my home and not favor my own. UNTIL I worked at the daycare. Yes, of course, there were ones that are hard to love. Ones that take every ounce of patience and tolerance to stand. I know that sounds horrible, but it’s true. I tried to love them all but some were just not lovable. I instead felt sorry for them. Those children are definitely few. The majority of them I was able to love just like my own. I became very attached to some of them. I looked forward to seeing them and was disappointed if they didn’t show up. I had every childs best interest at heart, honestly. There was even one at the time that was in CPS custody and a possible adoption option for us. We definitely considered it and just waited for the opportunity. The opportunity never arose and he ended up being adopted by the lady that was caring for him. Obviously, that wasn’t meant to be at that time. I can look back now and see that it wasn’t. I knew without a doubt during that time that I WAS capable of loving another child, just as much as my own! That experience changed my life. I was one of those people that kids got on my nerves! It’s hard to even admit that. I guess working at a daycare can make you decide you either NEVER want kids or you love them. I would never have guessed in a million years that I would enjoy that job, but it was the most fulfilling and rewarding position I have ever had. And now, we are adopting! It’s amazing the paths your life can take when you open your mind!

Patience Is A Virtue .............. I Wish I Had!!

My thoughts lately have been consumed with the adoption. I don’t wear everyone else out talking about it and no one probably even knows I am thinking about it, but I am. It doesn’t interfere with my daily life, yet! I am so impatient! I would like to call and ask “Where exactly is our homestudy sitting?” I want to see who’s desk it’s on and know exactly how much more time we are looking at! But, obviously, I can’t do that. Patience is such a huge struggle for me! I know God has perfect timing. I remind myself of that constantly, but it is still so hard for me. Even after we get our approval signed off we will have to wait on that first possible match. That will definitely have to be Gods timing. There is no guessing what that time period will be…….. Gods Time! Our match may come up immediately or it could take months! *sigh*
I can’t believe we have come this far. Our next step, one day, will be to find a bigger house. I love my yard and my house and I will be very sad to leave it, but we need a bigger one. My dream would be to stay home, raise my kids and possibly adopt more. That may not be what God has in mind, but that’s my dream. I’m sad that I haven’t been able to be off with my kids up until this point, but I did for a year, which was the best year ever! I am blessed to work for a company that is family oriented and flexible though.
For now I try to stay busy and patient. This could be a very different holiday season for us this year! It is coming so quickly. The summer came and is almost over already! School will start back and then we will be hit with all the holidays! It’s amazing how quickly time flies the older we get, (unless we are waiting on something LOL).

So far we are surviving the night schedule. Not liking it, but surviving it! Allison is doing GREAT on her piano lessons. Nick is studying to take his test for his learners permit and Brendan is just chasing lizards and taking it easy like usual!

To Help or Not To Help?

So I went to get gas at lunch today. I was a little nervous because I was in a part of town that is a little scary! Anyway, it was lunch time and very busy, I figured I was ok. The minute I got out of the car a girl sitting in the car at the pump next to me said “Ma’am, ma’am” and immediately my heart started racing and my mind was telling me I told you so!!! You are about to get robbed or shot!!! (Yes I know, I may over react a bit sometimes!), but that’s what I was thinking. She didn’t get out of the car but continued on with her “story” and as she started I automatically started to tune her out. I have heard the excuses, the begging, the sad stories many times. She mentioned needing gas to get to Arlington and her kids were in the back and they were thirsty and so hot. She is fanning herself frantically while she is explaining her dilemma. I’m pumping my gas thinking “its cloudly, over-cast, raining, actually nice out” and she acted like she was about to fall out from heat stroke. She said the lady beside me almost gave her money but the man she was with got upset and so she didn’t. She got a little irritated telling me that, her words, “he was pissin’ me off!!!!!” So, I told her I was sorry I couldn’t help her, I had no cash (which was true) and she proceeded to say “well you have a card don’t you?” That was a little too much for me. I just ignored her then and she asked everyone that went past her. I am not rolling in the money myself but if I would have had any cash I would have given her a few dollars. Even knowing she was probably lying. That’s not for me to worry about. When I left I felt bad that I couldn’t offer any help at first, but then angry. She wasn’t concerned with anyone else’s financial situation. Lots of people are in the same situation she is. She didn’t want to hear my sob story! And why isn’t she working? Why did she come to Ft. Worth knowing she didn’t have enough gas to get to Arlington? She used her kids to get sympathy, she kept begging after being told no. She had a nice car and it was NOT hot outside. It’s not my place to judge, that’s why I would have helped if I could have, but I’m sure she cussed me when I left too. How do people get the nerve to beg like that? Then I started thinking, she may do that EVERY time she needs gas. She may NEVER pay for her own gas! There are people out there that are truly struggling and wouldn’t ask for help, much less beg! Anyway, interesting lunch!

Quick update

Email from our case worker today..................

You have been recommended for approval but the staff that signs off on the approval has not done so yet…we should have it in about two weeks. I do not forsee any problems with your approval. As soon as she signs off on it, we will send you a letter in the mail stating your approval date. No need to get anxious, this is a normal timeline for families. We will start matching your family right after the approval letter is sent.


(Two more weeks I didn't anticipate, but oh well! )

So Close........................!

It’s been 7 months since we started the adoption process. It’s funny how the time frame has been similar to a natural pregnancy. I am expecting it to last about 9 months. Its 9 months of stress, excitement, anxiousness and sacrifice either way! I just don’t get the daily reminders with the heartburn, or the baby’s movements, or the doctor’s appointments that we are expecting a new child. Being pregnant was so enjoyable for me (except the heartburn) and I am so thankful I got to experience it THREE times! I would do it many more if I could. I feel a deep sadness for women that are not able to experience that. Although I miss that experience I know that there will be just as much joy, rewards and fulfillment with the adoption. It will just come in a different form. There are a lot of unknowns when you are pregnant, but so much more when you are adopting. I can’t even guess what age our child will be at this point!
I talked to Allison last night and was asked today where we are at in the adoption. When I explained to Allison we are just waiting on a phone call or email that could be any day now I got a smile out of her and I think we both realized at that time how REAL and how CLOSE we are. I can’t believe we are actually almost there, doing something I just talked about for so long. I have even had several others that have asked me about the process which makes me happy that others are considering it. Don’t be discouraged because of cost or time or trouble. It’s something anyone can do! I am so anxious now. You know those last few days before your due date? That’s how I feel right now. I will be devastated if we are not approved!
I saw in the news today about those “people” that locked their children in the closet for over a year in a motel with little to no food and it just makes me sick. Just imagine, a child that has been through that, trying to function in a “normal” environment. It’s just disgusting that anyone would do that to a child. Imagine their fear, lack of trust, their fear of not getting fed from now on, that when they do eat it could be their last time. It takes a long time to regain that trust in adults. I am glad these kids get another chance. Thank God someone stepped up! I understand they are in severe medical condition. I pray they survive and are given a chance to see a normal life and bounce back. Until Mark and I took our parenting class for adoption I didn’t realize the extent of how those situations affect children. We can’t even imagine. I knew, of course, it affected them negatively, but didn’t realize the extent. It’s so sad. Ok, so, enough of that, it just makes me too angry.
Happy thoughts………………….. our case worker is back from vacation today. I hope we hear something today or tomorrow! We are READY!!!!!!! I know adoption is not for everyone, but if you have ever had the idea placed on your heart please ask us about it! There were couples of all ages in our group ready to adopt. There are many older children, good kids that don’t get adopted, that just need someone to give them a chance. Depending on how this goes for us we may consider that too once our own kids are grown! We will see how it goes.

Just an Update...... Its a New Week, I Keep Moving, Waiting to See Whats Next!!

I don’t know how everyone else feels about Craigslist but I love it!!! We went to find new bedroom furniture for Allison so her bedroom would be ready for a sister. Hopefully we aren’t jumping the gun there! I moved all of her old furniture out and took a picture of it. I posted it on Craigslist and had it SOLD within the hour at 10p.m. at night!! So, the old furniture was gone before the new furniture got there and only had to sit in my living room through the night! I was so excited! It’s almost addictive. I am looking for what I can sell next LOL. Of course, you get junk on there too. We didn’t have much luck with giving our boxer away, but the chickens and the furniture were gone within minutes. It’s only practical for the big items, but it beats a garage sale if you don’t have a lot of other things to get rid of.
So, now we are really ready! We are just waiting on the case worker to contact us. Lately I have been going back through my mind thinking of all of the things I should or shouldn’t have said during our home-study. Not much I can do at this point though. I just hope I didn’t let it show that I have too high expectations, because you can’t with these kids. I do with my own, of course, because I know they are capable. It’s going to be hard for me to have NO expectations for an adopted child, but you can’t. The agency even said right off the bat if you have any expectations from these kids you need to rethink. I can do it, but it will be a challenge. I also don’t want the accomplishments of my own children to discourage the other. It is going to be an area I will have to tread lightly and find a balance. I’m sure as time goes by you can develop expectations, but in the beginning it’s just the simple stuff.
I missed church this week which was disappointing. It seems I don’t have time to take a breath lately. In my last post I talked about Mark and his eye incident. This week it was Nick. He has always had lots of trouble with ear infections and had a tube put in one ear at 14 years old. The doctor said that is almost unheard of these days. Anyway, he got a bad ear ache in the other ear and we were at the doctor on Saturday. I can’t relate to it, but I know the pain has to be intense. Poor thing was in so much pain and I did all I knew to do. The doc wanted to see him first thing and of course she told me what I was doing was good and to continue, ARRGH!! The only thing was our medicine drops were expired so we got a new prescription. Nick asked why I didn’t become a doctor!! LOL….. Boy, how I wish I would have! That is one reason my expectations as far as school and grades are so high for them. I can look back now and see how just a little bit of hard work for a short period of time in my life could have made a lifetime of difference. I know they don’t see that now, but I feel like that part of my life is a big failure. I could have done so much more. My dream was to stay home and be a mom, but someone else had other plans. Now I regret not accomplishing more. But it is what it is for a reason, right?
Maybe I’m going to win the lottery, Yeah! That might happen if I ever start playing!

What Really Matters?

Well it looks like we won’t have any adoption news this week. I just emailed to see if they heard anything and they hadn’t. It usually takes about 2 weeks for approval and she said she was sending it last week. So, I expected to hear by now. I’m trying to stay positive, but that makes me a little nervous.
Since my last post things have been a little hectic, but our weekend is light and I’m looking forward to refueling! It’s funny how God puts everything back in perspective when things start to make us crazy... When I wrote my last post I was pretty discouraged and things weren’t looking any better. On Tuesday I got a call from Mark asking me where the Visine was. He was home sleeping after work and his eyes were burning. He called back about 15 minutes later and said I needed to take him to the doctor. Unfortunately, my first response was not very sympathetic. I had a doctor appointment that I could not change later that day and I really couldn’t leave work. Honestly and shamefully, I was irritated. It was just one more thing to add to the stress of the week. On the other hand I also knew if he suggested the doctor then it had to be serious. So I rushed straight home to take him to the doctor. This gave me time for the irritation to subside and the worry to kick in. When I got there he was in obvious pain, had ice packs on his face, his nose was running, his face was red and swollen and he was “feeling” his way to the car. I had no idea what could be wrong and things started rushing through my mind. What if he won’t see again? What if he has some crazy disease I had never heard of? What if this is the beginning of a long hospital stay? We are finally getting over all of the follow-ups and healing from all the surgeries and such that have gone on this year.
We get to the doctor and I lead him in like a blind man. Now he can’t hear OR see!! The doctor gets him immediately in and forces his eyes open to put numbing drops in. They got better almost instantly, but the medicine wears off in 15 minutes. The doctor was able to determine he burned his eyes welding at work. Yes, he had protected his eyes, but apparently that doesn’t always work. He explained it as a sunburn in your eyeball and your nerve endings are exposed. Luckily, your eyes heal extremely quickly. We had to rush to the pharmacy to get his medicine before the numbing drops wore off and after a few hours of the medicine they improved dramatically and is doing fine now.
I felt like such an insensitive jerk. Everything that had been an issue the past week disappeared. None of it mattered anymore. Yes, the day was still stressful, I did make it to my appointment and everything is fine now, but it opened my eyes to what really matters. Yes, we all KNOW what really matters but sometimes, at least for me, I need to be reminded!!!

Allison started piano lessons this week. I am real excited about that! She, in turn, is trying to teach Brendan. Good intentions, we will see how that goes! The piano teacher called me to tell me how much she loved Allison! AWE! She will have her first recital in December!

Emotional Clutter

Do you ever have those days where you have so much on your mind, both good and bad, that you aren’t even sure what mood you are in? You feel so incredibly blessed and at the same time your heart is aching? The only way I can think to describe it is "emotional clutter".

My heart aches because I see a strain on my marriage already from the husband getting switched to the night shift again. We were so thrilled when he finally got on days and our relationships flourished. There are so many complications it causes that no one can even imagine unless you have been there. A spouse on the night shift or maybe a military spouse. We have done it for years and along with the normal issues in a marriage there are additional obstacles to deal with. We have muddled through and dealt a long time. It feels like a battle sometimes trying to understand and at the same time not get lonely. I just don’t feel like I have the energy to deal with it again. I am not saying I won’t or that it’s not worth it, but it’s exhausting, physically and emotionally. I need strength and patience. And I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a bit scared and doubting my endurance. It can be lonely.

Then there is the adoption. Where does this lifestyle change leave us concerning the adoption? A whole new perspective on how things will be. Can I do it alone? Can I do it with the added stress of a husband living the complete total opposite sleep/wake schedule as the rest of us? Along with the questions, I am also so excited at the same time. It’s so close! It’s something we have worked so hard and long for.

I have a friend going through a very tough time right now and has been very sad. I have other friends that are going back to Virginia that I am very sad to see go.

I know things can be worse, much worse. But I’m human and we all get the “blues”.

Can you feel all of those feelings and also feel uplifted, renewed, empowered, energized at the same time? Well, either you can or I have a serious psychiatric disorder!! I went to the worship service at the kids camp last night. Of course it is geared toward “youth”, but I loved it! It was more like a concert. Maybe that isn’t the traditional, accepted way to worship, but I personally get more out of it. There is an energy that fills the room along with a great message. The kids are so passionate. I would love church to be like that every Sunday. Some people express feelings through music and I am one of them.
You need to refer back to my previous post about “Hug with a Purpose” to understand why this message applied to me. The camp theme was “I Am Second”. A message of putting God first. He asked how many of us have said things like “the people at church didn’t welcome me, so I’m not going back” or “no one shook my hand or spoke to me, so I’m not going back”? I really don’t remember anymore in his list because the first one about not feeling welcomed stuck in my head. I didn’t hear anything after that. I just felt God pointing His finger right at me. Those exact words have filled my head. If I am putting God first, it shouldn’t matter if I go un-noticed. He said by us showing love toward others we are showing our love for God to others. That is what we should do. If others are not, then at least we, ourselves, are putting God first and ourselves 2nd. He said our love for God is not shown by the Christian t-shirts we wear or how we look or the music we listen to. It is shown by loving others, ALL others! ALL being the key word!
It was very eye-opening and encouraging for me, even with the weight I have on my heart right now. I know our family needs major prayer right now. I know things constantly change and I am not in control (as hard as I try to be !). I am also not saying people don’t need to feel welcomed at church, they do, but my focus needs to change as far as church is concerned.

FINALLY the "NOW"

FINALLY!!! This is the best I could do on the NOW picture from the previous post. Maybe I will get another one where I don’t have to drag them out of the pool before they leave. As you can see, the “stair step” in height between them is not so uniform anymore! They have all grown up so much. Some (or one) of them more than the others! Little Zack didn’t make it in the picture this time.
I have really gotten to know these kids a lot better since they have been here. I have even learned a lot about my own kids.
Nick………. I am so proud of who he is becoming! We have finally opened the door to some communication and I think he has learned a lot about me too. I wish I could elaborate but it wouldn’t be fair to give a lot of details on here about anyone but myself without approval. I know everything happens for a reason and I am thankful for learning more about Nick this summer. He makes me proud!
Tori………. Wow, that’s the first word I think to describe her. The obvious, she is adorable. She doesn’t give herself enough credit. She is fun, witty, thoughtful, passionate, compassionate and determined. She shines! I am thankful to her mother for giving me the opportunity to get to know her. She has brightened my life!
Ally……… A lot like Tori in many ways! She has a mind of her own and is completely like her Dad. She loves to debate! She loves God and is a bright light in my heart. She is smart and loves her friends. I could go on and on about all of them but will try to keep it short……..
Trevor… Cracks me up! So calm and laid back! He is caring and funny. My favorite thing about Trevor is his tender and loving heart. You can see it in his eyes and in his conversations. You can’t help but love that kid!
Brendan….My baby. That about sums it up. Spoiled rotten! FUNNY! Makes my life joyful! And what can I say, he loves his mom! Oh, and Tori too! She has done a great job spoiling him as well. She has proven to him that people DO still keep their word!
I know all of these kids have great potential and I am so happy we have had the opportunity to get re-acquainted after so many years. Kudos to Yvonne for raising beautiful children and life-long friends no matter where we are on the globe. They all have potential to shine. I am anxious to see the paths they take and be able to follow them through life. We will be sad to see them go but it’s NOT good-bye!! Hopefully we can make a tradition of the progressive photos!

Having Faith and Trust In What We Can't See

How do you explain to a teenager that certain things are wrong when you did them yourself? Seems so hypocritical! How do you explain to them that although things seem so unfair to them now that one day it will all make sense? Especially when you never listened to that advice yourself. Is it realistic to expect our own children not to try the same things we did as a teenager? There are some that will get lucky and they won’t. But for the majority of us it is something that will come up in life at some point. Even for the best, well-disciplined, even Christian kids. Trying to get a teenager to trust you and your experiences and to believe you know what you are talking about reminds me of what we have to do in our spiritual life as well. We have to have faith in a God that we can’t see, a future we can only imagine. We have to obey a Father we can’t “physically” hear out loud and have faith that he knows best and it will all make sense in the end. We have to know that when God allows us to go thru heartbreaking trials that he knows it’s for our own good. We have to know that what we want may not be the same thing God wants for us and we may not be happy about it or like it one bit. We just have to have FAITH. We have to make a decision to TRUST. Trust is earned and God has never let me down. I have made a decision to trust God and pray my children will always do the same. Our children have the same decision to make about their parents. I pray that mine will trust me and God will give me the words and guidance to help them make good decisions and have a happy, successful life. It is so hard being a teenager. They are bombarded with emotions and temptations that can be so overwhelming. As a parent our first instinct is to handcuff them to our side and make all their decisions for them to protect them. My prayer for all my friends and family who are parents of a teenager is that God will arm us with the knowledge, patience, words, compassion and love to let them be who they are yet make good decisions and still have fun, trust God, stand firm in their values, respect themselves and expect others to as well, realize being a parent is hard work too, and to trust us too because we want the best for them. There will be times we may disappoint each other or let each other down, unlike God. God will never let us down. We have to be forgiving to each other for those faults we all have. It’s a learning process for all. We don’t have all the answers, but God does. Help us all to put our faith in God and let him guide us through life. We can’t do it without Him.

I believe for a teenager their #1 focus should be God then school. Not boys, parties, etc. Was it mine? Nope! Do I regret it? Absolutely! How many of us regret the way we treated our our parents? I sure do. My mistakes? Not making God #1 in my life, not giving my parents a chance and not taking school seriously. Will my kids listen to me? I don’t know. I pray they will. There is plenty of time for all the rest after school. Time seems so long when you are a teenager but it goes by so fast. I know that now. I wish I would have listened to some adult when I was young. I know my kids think I’m crazy and unfair. I have stupid rules. I expect too much. It’s because I love them, I want the best for them, I see my mistakes. I’m not perfect and I hope they realize that. I will do the best I can and hope they give me a chance to lead them the best I know how……with Gods direction. I am so very proud of who my kids are! We have entered those teenage years and I have FAITH that everything will be ok!

And to my DEAR, SWEET friends (both of you, you know who you are)……………. Don’t let these trials damage your relationship. You are family to me. You are both awesome and good and I love you both. This is a time for you to be strong…………together! I may need you there for me one day! Lean on each other and know I am here for you both, anytime! I love yall!!!!

Treasure Family

Yes, I was on a quote search today. I have had a few things on my mind and was looking for just the right quote to sum it up, but in the meantime I ran across a few that I liked.

"No matter what you've done for yourself or for humanity, if you can't look back on having given love and attention to your own family, what have you really accomplished?" Elbert Hubbard

"It is better to be destitute in the arms of your family, than bounding in wealth and alone." Wes Fessler

He that raises a large family does, indeed, while he lives to observe them, stand a broader mark for sorrow; but then he stands a broader mark for pleasure too. Benjamin Franklin

"The probability that we may fail in the struggle ought not to deter us from the support of a cause we believe to be just." Abraham Lincoln

There is no point in being full of love if you keep it all to yourself."Wes Fessler

All of these quotes have a special meaning to me personally. I guess that’s why I like them. A lot of which I can’t go in to detail about on here. Some of them bring up hurt that I have experienced, but that has also made me very convicted in my feelings about particular subjects. I’m sure like everyone else and their particular life experiences it makes us what we are today. Everyone is different and I realize that. I don’t try to judge, I just share who I am. I feel strongly about these quotes. I just wish I was creative enough to come up with them myself!! In particular, the last three quotes, in regards to adoption. The last one is pretty self explanatory and applies to life in general. The one from Benjamin Franklin and Abraham Lincoln are an encouragement concerning my fears. We may fail in adoption. We may have problems. It definitely won’t be easy and we will have trials, but I can’t let it deter us. The rewards are greater. Why keep the love all to ourselves? Continue to enjoy the ease of the blessed life we have had? That’s the easy thing to do. Sure, we have had problems in our life, but nothing on a magnificent scale. The typical problems of life, except when Allison had to have several surgeries under the age of two. Even then we were blessed that everything turned out fine. One thing about me is when I make up my mind to do something that’s exactly what I do. I DO IT. Now, making up my mind is the hard part. This decision took me years! I am not a decision maker, but when I finally do, it’s set in stone and I guess I am determined. Given, I do let my fears take over sometimes, but I just need a little nudge. I believe we are ready for the challenge. A challenge we have no experience with and don’t even know anyone that has experienced the challenges of bringing a new child into their lives. (At least not personally.) But I suppose we will learn as we go and I will probably have to come back and read this again many months from now when I am wondering what craziness I was thinking when I decided to do this!

Our homestudy should be up for approval THIS WEEK!!

Adoption

This is from a foster child. It describes a lot of my feelings about adoption too. The changes adoption makes for a child are amazing! They even look different. Inside and out. How could I not do it?
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Children idle by a sill
Waiting, wondering, silent and still.
Abandoned by parents, abused and alone,
No place to cuddle, no home sweet home.


Mommas and poppas alive in a park,
Meager, humble, home after dark,
Talking of how it is not for them
To take in a child of a red tape system.

Yet how can they not make it their life?
How can they walk away from this strife?
If it were them sitting by a cracked window pane,
Wouldn't they hope someone would give them a name?

If not a name then a bed safe from harm,
A story to dream on, a pillow, some charm.
A smile, a tissue to wipe away tears,
Some hope for the future to last through the years.

A child lays awake rocking, alone and afraid,
You wish not to see them or call them by name,
Abused, neglected, alone and scared,
Dying for love and crying still you choose not to hear.

Oh someone will take them, someone but me,
Someone will rock them someone better you see,
This is what you quietly say to yourself
It's not your job leave it to someone else.

Oh I am busy; oh I have so much to do,
I couldn't do it even if the Lord asked me to,
It is a mountain I just can not climb,
It isn't my child, I haven't enough time.

When you walk in a store and see a child's tears,
You think what a shame, walk away knowing he's scared,
His father just hit him and his mother just screamed,
But it is none of your business so you leave the whole scene.

Go about your life; forget what you know,
Why should you be responsible for what others have sown?
Why shouldn't you? Why can't you give a bit more?
Sow a seed of charity right at your door.

If you give just one day of your life today,
The rewards are great in every way,
To see a child smile after being withdrawn and afraid,
You can help by being a mentor, a foster parent or adopter,
Just give some of your time who could ask for more?

© Suzanne DeRemer Floyd