HUG WITH PURPOSE

I have struggled the past couple of years with church. Not God, but church. I know we need to be there. I love being there. When I am there I never want to leave. There is a peace, a calm, a love that is so comforting. I love the building and the atmosphere. I could sit in there alone for hours. Just silent.
I haven’t been able to put into words why I struggle with church, but Wednesday night was a start. I am very cynical, I suppose, when it comes to the people there. I have a hard time trusting and believing that people truly care. I know there are people who really do and you can usually pick them out. Church is a place you are supposed to feel comfortable sharing your struggles, hardships, hurts, and praises. Then know that people are going to care and pray as you would do the same for them. And that they will be sincere and loving. I know that’s unrealistic for the most part and the only one that should matter is God, but we are in Gods house and we want to live a life for God and follow His example, so we do have responsibilities. Our actions and our words show the kind of life we live. I am far, far from perfect, but I do hope that I treat others in a Godly manner.
I shared a lot with our Bible study group last year. I let my walls down, which is not in my character. I decided to let them in and trust them. I was hurting and needed support. Since then, I am ashamed to say, our church attendance has been occasional, if that. The kids attended more than I did. Partly, when Marks schedule changed and he could no longer go on Sunday morning with us. He even wanted to go when I didn’t which was a crossroads in our relationship.
With the adoption approaching I knew that as a family we needed to be in church. We have slowly been getting back into it. Mark and I went on a Sunday night a few weeks ago then last Wednesday night. There is an older man there who could be our grandfather. He is one of the dearest, sweetest men I have ever met. He makes a point of remembering names in a church of hundreds and does a darn good job of it. He welcomes everyone with a smile and is at church every time the door is open. I don’t “know” him personally, but I love him. The only think Mark wanted to make sure of when we went was to say hi to him. And we did. He remembered us! When we gave our prayer requests and praises he stood up and said he wanted to say how happy he was that The McCandless’ were there that night after being away for so long! He brought tears to my eyes. That was sincere! Now, I’m not saying they should roll out the red carpet for us, but it’s about the love that is shown.
The reason this is important to me is because when I was leaving that night I hugged another on the way out and the response I got was “limp” and “cold”. I felt EXTREMELY hurt and stupid actually for hugging this person. I didn’t even want to be there after that. I always try to show I care in my hug. I have always tried to convey that to people. That I do care and they do matter. It’s sincere. I didn’t know if it did any good until that night. Now I know it does. I felt it. I may be being too harsh and hopefully I won’t offend anyone but that reaction is the one that keeps me away from church. Not away from God, but away from the superficial. What is the point if you don’t get that feeling from the people you worship with? Your church “family”. If it doesn’t feel like “family” then why go? That feeling we get from “the older gentleman”. I guess the ones like him are the point, but its very hurtful when you get the other reaction. Maybe they don’t realize they are doing it. Maybe they are hurting. I don’t know. But no matter how I feel I try to let the other person know I care and they are important. I love people and I want them to know I am sincere.
So, I saw a phrase on a friends blog that he “hugs with purpose” and I absolutely LOVE that. That sums up a lot of how I feel about church. I know I have other feelings to deal with personally about church but when I go, I want to feel like I am being hugged with purpose and I want to make sure that is the same advice I follow and that it is felt! I think everyone has known exactly when they are hugged with purpose. You can’t mistake it.
Yes, it was hurtful not to be. But I will try and remember the two different feelings I got that night and try to continue being one that hugs with purpose, regardless. Thank you to that man for restoring my trust that there ARE people who put others first, who care, who love, who are sincere. An example to me and to others. This is even amongst his own trials. He doesn’t change. That’s how I want to be. Always hug with purpose!