God Even Works Through Craigslist!

Well you may have to wait for the “NOW” picture from the previous post. Hopefully I will be able to get all the kids together before they leave. Allison is at her cousins house this week *boo*! So we will continue that post later, I hope!
I got an email from our case worker today saying our homestudy will go for approval next week! That means in about 2 weeks or less we will find out if we are approved! I can’t believe it’s already time. It is going quicker than I thought it would. Of course, I have had lots of other drama to keep me busy. I have still had those thoughts questioning the adoption, but we are moving forward. We will see where we are lead. I still know forward is the direction, as scary as it is.
We got rid of 4 of the 8 chickens we had. I listed them on Craigslist and within minutes I got interested emailers. I never thought I would get rid of chickens! I thought we may have to “secretly” eat them! You can buy them anywhere, cheap! Craiglist is great, although it turned out to attract all duds when trying to get rid of our dog. I knew the people that I talked to about the chickens would show up. Sometimes you just have that feeling. They did show up and it was an older “farmer type” from Alvarado. He talked to us a little bit while we were loading up the chickens and just happened to mention that he had 2 boys in the truck with his wife that he adopted from CPS! Its amazing, and probably no coincidence, all of the people that God has placed in our path that are connected to adoption in some way. Its always been an influence in my life. And the fact that adoption even came up in our conversation was unusual. This couple is older and their kids are grown. They are completely starting over! They are even trying to adopt the boys baby sister too. I think it’s wonderful that people are willing to share their love and life with children when they could have the rest of their lives all to themselves. They were starting a little farm with goats, chickens and pigs for these boys. I have a special place in my heart for people like that. Especially men. Moms are born to be moms. Once men get the kids out of the house their job is done and they can afford all the toys . There is absolutely nothing wrong with that at all. Its scary giving all of that up, especially when you have "done your time". I am very lucky Mark has been completely supportive of adoption from the beginning and even encouraged me to keep going. I am just saying after the 10 minutes we spent with this man I knew he had a special heart. And for whatever reason, he was placed in our path for those 10 minutes of our lives. Maybe to ease the fear I had been experiencing or to reinforce to me that I am doing the right thing! I really wanted to get his number and stay in touch, but that seemed a little weird since he was from a Craiglist ad! I even felt like he was thinking the same thing. It was an awkward goodbye ending in “UH, ok, well thanks, Have a nice life!”
Everything else is going well. Just tired of the HOT!! I’m getting too old for it! Nick and Ally go to camp July 9. Probably about the time we will find out if we are approved or not. I haven’t really even considered “what if” we aren’t approved. I think I will be devastated and probably embarrassed. Pray for us!

That was then.................

So here is the before picture! Nick, Tori, Allison, Trevor and Brendan. Our friends from Virginia. This was probably 7 years ago.
We will start with Nick and Tori. Tori is one month older than Nick. They were probably 8 years old or so in this picture. They played on the same soccer team together when they were about 5 years old. I met their mom at work and they also lived in Crowley. We aren’t sure how we finally became such good friends, but we did. We were together a lot back then and would pack up the car with all the kids at 10 o’clock at night and head to good ole Walmart. We threw all the kids in a basket and shopped away. The best time of day to be at Walmart! Good memories! We always teased Nick that Tori was his first “girlfriend”. Her mom reminded me of a time Tori jumped in the pool to impress Nick, but she couldn’t swim! Oops!
Then there is Allison and Trevor. They were pretty young but we joked about them growing up one day and getting married, HA! They were probably around 5 or 6 in this picture. Trevor is 2 months older than Allison. Trevor was quiet and content for hours playing with cars until it was time to go and mom had to drag him out kicking and screaming! He is still super laid back but gave up the kicking and screaming.
Then, there is Brendan! It was time for Yvonne to catch up, she did, just a little late. Brendan was probably 3 in this picture. This may have been the first time Yvonne had seen him.
We lost touch until Facebook! It is good for something! We all picked up where we left off and the story continues. Check back for the current pic and update………………….7 years later.
Its going to be cute!

Round Two

Here we go again! A roller coaster of emotions. I don’t know how many times I can do this. It was such a relief knowing Daisy found a good home, but now she is back. I want to keep her, but in my mind I know the smart thing to do is get rid of her. The dog fighting scares me. Although she has never hurt any person it makes me wonder if she ever would. She fights our dog to kill! On the other hand she is a big, sweet baby. So, we have a lady that wants to come pick her up tonight. She didn’t ask any questions. She said she wants the dog. She didn’t even want to meet her first. Hmm? Makes me wonder. She sounds like a nice lady. I chose to be honest and tell her upfront that she must be an only dog and kept indoors. I told her about the dogs fighting and she is still interested. The only way I know to handle it is to let her come get her and not look back. That’s all I can do. I over-analyze and feel horrible until I talk myself into keeping her. UGH! I fear being liable if something happens once she takes Daisy. What if she killed one of their animals or hurt someone? Am I still responsible? And I can’t have her returned again. I fear that phone call saying they can’t keep her and do we want her back. Its too emotional. I can’t do that again. I pray this is the home for Daisy and everyone will be happy. It’s time for me to not look back!
My friend from Virginia is in town and really wants to take Coco back with her. That will be hard as well, but I know that she would be good to her. The trick is getting her to Virginia! I plan on posting some really neat pictures of our kids soon. Then and now. I am just waiting to get the “now” picture to post.
Not a word from the adoption agency. People keep asking. I will probably email just to feel like we still exist.
That’s all for now!

HUG WITH PURPOSE

I have struggled the past couple of years with church. Not God, but church. I know we need to be there. I love being there. When I am there I never want to leave. There is a peace, a calm, a love that is so comforting. I love the building and the atmosphere. I could sit in there alone for hours. Just silent.
I haven’t been able to put into words why I struggle with church, but Wednesday night was a start. I am very cynical, I suppose, when it comes to the people there. I have a hard time trusting and believing that people truly care. I know there are people who really do and you can usually pick them out. Church is a place you are supposed to feel comfortable sharing your struggles, hardships, hurts, and praises. Then know that people are going to care and pray as you would do the same for them. And that they will be sincere and loving. I know that’s unrealistic for the most part and the only one that should matter is God, but we are in Gods house and we want to live a life for God and follow His example, so we do have responsibilities. Our actions and our words show the kind of life we live. I am far, far from perfect, but I do hope that I treat others in a Godly manner.
I shared a lot with our Bible study group last year. I let my walls down, which is not in my character. I decided to let them in and trust them. I was hurting and needed support. Since then, I am ashamed to say, our church attendance has been occasional, if that. The kids attended more than I did. Partly, when Marks schedule changed and he could no longer go on Sunday morning with us. He even wanted to go when I didn’t which was a crossroads in our relationship.
With the adoption approaching I knew that as a family we needed to be in church. We have slowly been getting back into it. Mark and I went on a Sunday night a few weeks ago then last Wednesday night. There is an older man there who could be our grandfather. He is one of the dearest, sweetest men I have ever met. He makes a point of remembering names in a church of hundreds and does a darn good job of it. He welcomes everyone with a smile and is at church every time the door is open. I don’t “know” him personally, but I love him. The only think Mark wanted to make sure of when we went was to say hi to him. And we did. He remembered us! When we gave our prayer requests and praises he stood up and said he wanted to say how happy he was that The McCandless’ were there that night after being away for so long! He brought tears to my eyes. That was sincere! Now, I’m not saying they should roll out the red carpet for us, but it’s about the love that is shown.
The reason this is important to me is because when I was leaving that night I hugged another on the way out and the response I got was “limp” and “cold”. I felt EXTREMELY hurt and stupid actually for hugging this person. I didn’t even want to be there after that. I always try to show I care in my hug. I have always tried to convey that to people. That I do care and they do matter. It’s sincere. I didn’t know if it did any good until that night. Now I know it does. I felt it. I may be being too harsh and hopefully I won’t offend anyone but that reaction is the one that keeps me away from church. Not away from God, but away from the superficial. What is the point if you don’t get that feeling from the people you worship with? Your church “family”. If it doesn’t feel like “family” then why go? That feeling we get from “the older gentleman”. I guess the ones like him are the point, but its very hurtful when you get the other reaction. Maybe they don’t realize they are doing it. Maybe they are hurting. I don’t know. But no matter how I feel I try to let the other person know I care and they are important. I love people and I want them to know I am sincere.
So, I saw a phrase on a friends blog that he “hugs with purpose” and I absolutely LOVE that. That sums up a lot of how I feel about church. I know I have other feelings to deal with personally about church but when I go, I want to feel like I am being hugged with purpose and I want to make sure that is the same advice I follow and that it is felt! I think everyone has known exactly when they are hugged with purpose. You can’t mistake it.
Yes, it was hurtful not to be. But I will try and remember the two different feelings I got that night and try to continue being one that hugs with purpose, regardless. Thank you to that man for restoring my trust that there ARE people who put others first, who care, who love, who are sincere. An example to me and to others. This is even amongst his own trials. He doesn’t change. That’s how I want to be. Always hug with purpose!

Just an Update!

If it seems too good to be true then it probably is! That is the phrase that comes to mind when I look back at the post about our boxer finding a home 3 doors down! She is back………………………They said she was digging out of the yard and whining so they brought her back home. UGH! I love this dog, but I know she needs to go. She needs to be an only dog, an inside dog. We can’t offer her that. It makes me really sad. She has attacked our other dog twice since she has been home. So, now she is outside……..alone. Which is worse? Keeping her isolated in the heat or taking her to the pound? I am quite certain if they see she can’t be trusted around other dogs they will euthanize her. When she is the only dog she is sweet and loyal *sigh*! I don’t know what to do. I don’t expect anyone to feel sorry because I know we bring it on to ourselves. We love animals. I just really don’t know what to do. It was very peaceful and calm when she found a home. I know there is someone out there that she will make a great dog for. I just don’t know if I can wait that long.
On to other, less depressing stuff. Kinda. I have been going through my “I am not sure” phase of the adoption again. I am sure once I start seeing the kids I will feel differently, but right now, that’s where I’m at. It may just be because of the other stresses going on right now, but I still feel like it’s the right thing to do.
Everyone who knows me knows I love to work in the yard, but this heat is KILLLING me. If you keep up with my posts you know what happened to me a few weeks ago after being in the heat. Well, yes, I did it again. I KNOW better. But I pushed myself too hard again and was SUPER sick Saturday. I have never been that sick, except the time I did it before. Poor Mark came home from work after me begging him to come home early. He had a meeting and couldn’t, but when he finally got home he rubbed my head for a good hour. It was the only thing offering any relief at all! That and my sweet, life-saving friend brought my some Excedrin. The kids tried to rub my head, but their little fingers just aren’t the same. They are sweet for taking care of me though. By that time, I finally got over the throwing up! Man, what he does for me! After being tired from work, coming home and tending to my stupidity! No one else would put up with me! After Saturday I never wanted to do yard work again! I was THAT sick. I think I am finally going to start sharing the load. I am sure some of you think I am sick just for WANTING to do yard work.
The summer seems to be flying by. My oldest kids will be leaving to go to church camp next. I don’t worry quite as much about them. Different personalities I guess.
Also, just FYI. I post all my pics and stuff on Facebook now instead of myspace. I finally got used to it and like it much better!
Until next time………………………………………………………………

Treasures of the World

Not a lot going on lately. Not much to blog about. I thought I would post this picture just because I thought it was cool. (click on it to make it bigger). My dad sent me a postcard from Spain of a Cathedral there and it really made me stop and think about how much I have not seen. I’m a Texas girl and have never been too adventurous. As I looked at that Cathedral in the picture I imagined how beautiful it would be in person. I was never able to apply that thinking before I went to Colorado. I had seen many mountains in pictures and t.v. but never in person. It was breath-taking to be right there in person with the mountains! Pictures can’t give an accurate description. So, now when I see pictures I try to imagine what it would really be like in person. I try to imagine the detail. There is a lot I would like to see in person now.
We talked about the Ancient Babylon Hanging Garden in church last night and although it no longer exists I can imagine what an amazing, beautiful site it was. Especially for me, loving the outdoors like I do.. All the trees, plants, flowers and fountains were probably awesome. As I became more interested and searched the internet to learn about the Hanging Garden I came across this picture of a Hanging Temple in China built more than 1,500 years ago. That fact alone is hard to wrap my brain around, but imagine actually being IN this temple. Literally hanging on the side of a cliff! I wish there were more natural, outdoor attractions around than all the buildings and highways there are now. I am sure there are hidden treasures in the world that I would like to see some day and getting over my fear of flying is probably going to have to be my first step 
As for a personal update, I survived the party and Brendan is back from camp. Everything went well and they all had fun! Mark is back to work and we are all still adjusting to that.
No adoption news. It should be August by my calculations before we expect to hear anything. I will keep you posted!

Roller Coaster Ride.......and I don't like Roller Coasters!

Yesterday was a roller coaster! We worked on getting the house clean before the home study. I wasn’t feeling well that day and finally mustered up the ability to shower and get ready because I was running out of time. When I started to dry my hair it was 11:30 and the phone rang. I didn’t recognize the number so I didn’t answer it. They left a message and I checked it. I recognized the voice…………… it was the case worker……………my luck………………..it can’t be good. I was right. Just our luck! She was thinking she may have to cancel our home study because of the weather! I could not believe it! What weather???? I had not had the t.v. on so I turned it on. I saw all of the storms and flooding in Dallas, which is where she was. I even heard the news channel warn everyone to stay home if you don’t need to get out! ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? Thank you media for the over-reaction again. For a thunderstorm in Texas? Since when is that a weather emergency in Texas? Maybe I’m being insensitive here, but seriously? I tried to be understanding on the phone, but I was honestly completely and utterly disappointed. You really don’t want to upset your case worker. The one that has the capability to approve you or not. I had taken off work and anticipated this day. It’s a major last step in the process. Once the homestudy is done you are free to adopt. She agreed to wait until 12:30 to see if things cleared up and call back. I just laid on the bed, defeated. Ready to give up again. I can’t do the roller coaster and disappointments! I had time to calm down and decide when she called back we would just have to reschedule. She agreed to come in the evening or weekend to make it up so I knew she intended on cancelling. I accepted it and decided Tuesday night would work. It was 12:38 when the phone rang. It was the case worker and she said , “you know, it looks like its clearing up. I may be a little late but I will be there!”. WHAT!!! I could not believe it! All the disappointment in the house was instantly gone again! I felt bad and really didn’t want her to drive if she wasn’t comfortable. I told her that and she said it would be fine and headed our way!
She got to the house and talked to the 3 kids which lasted all of 10 minutes. She didn’t ask much, just prepared them a little. Then she talked to me for about an hour and then Mark for about 30 minutes. She took a quick tour of our house and that was it. She is a very sweet girl and we really like her. I am confident she will know how best to match our family.
Mark and I talked about our answers later. She asked us the same questions. She asked who our best friend was. We each said each other AWWWWW!!!!! No offense friends out there! I did give a 2nd place. I’m just not telling who…………………..! She asked what I thought Marks biggest weakness was and vice versa. I stressed to the case worker throughout my interview that patience is very hard for me and NOT one of my strong traits! And the funny thing, Mark told her that was one of my strengths!!! I really have people fooled . So, after all of that the case worker did have to prepare me quite a bit. She said she thought the hardest thing for me with this process was going to be the waiting. And she is right. But she did tell me to expect delays, probably many of them, and expect to be disappointed through-out because we are dealing with a state process and the state is not in it for the same wants and desires and they are not in a hurry. It’s a job for them and they do it when they can (or when they feel like it  ). She told me about a family that has been matched for 4 weeks. Just waiting on their child and the state said today TWO more weeks at least. Paperwork was not ready. SO ,expect to see some very frustrated posts from me I’m sure. I am spoiled in that way and want things NOW. I am working on that and this is definitely going to be a huge test for me. Especially dealing with ‘red tape”! I am expecting to be waiting now for about 3 months before we hear anything. Pray it moves quickly!
Next, today is bittersweet for me. My only daughter (for the moment) is a teenager. I am concentrating on making it a special day for her when at the same time I am so sad that my baby is leaving for church camp! Its going to be a tough, tough 5 days for me. Pray he has a GREAT time, grows closer to God and that I survive! Allison will be having a party this weekend so that’s a prayer for survival as well!
And lastly……………………again …………………….I want to thank all our family and friends who have been so supportive. That is a huge thing with the adoption agency that we have a large supportive network of people now and after the child is home with us. It is an adjustment for everyone. I was proud to say that we do have that and you were all mentioned in our interview! Thank you! We love you!

Endurance

When the case worker asked Mark and I the strength of of marriage we both agreed it was Endurance! She thought that was an interesting answer. Most people say communication or something but for us, no doubt, its endurance. And probably what we are most proud of. We look back at most of our friends and the parents of our kids friends and very few are still married. In particular this last year, lots of divorce. It must be our age. I would be lying if I said divorce was never brought up in our marriage. But I am proud to say we have Endured!!! Do whatever it takes to hold your marriage together. Its work. No one promised it would be easy, but it will be rewarding in the end!

Letting Go

Our homestudy is tomorrow. After that I anticipate time to start moving in slow motion. I feel unusually relaxed about it for some reason. I saw the cutest little chubby girl at lunch today and it brought all the excitement back again.
Besides that, my daughter will be a teenager Friday. I can’t believe it! And to think I want to do this again! That’s the scary part. I couldn’t ask for a better daughter. She is smart, funny, ambitious and beautiful along with all the teenage-girl hormones that come with that. I love her more than she can imagine.
My baby leaves for his first church camp Friday. I think that is stressing me out more than the homestudy! I am a natural worrier anyway and I recognize that. But I am letting him go and encouraging him to have fun although it is killing me! Pray for him and me for those 5 long days! Its quite a big step for him and probably a bigger one for Mom! Sending him on that bus is going to be so hard. Harder than the first day of school!
And lastly, my oldest. I struggle the most with this one. Not him in particular, just the age and interests. I feel like I never see him even though we are in the same house. I know this is typical but very hard for me to deal with. I feel like I should be doing something. Like I am failing. Life is such a learning process and I wish I had all the answers. I guess we have done ok. He makes awesome grades and is a good kid. I just have to learn to let go and not worry so much. Is that possible for a mom?
Mark has gone back to work and just as I suspected would happen they want him to go back to 3rd shift. This is NOT good. We have done it for years but it is very hard to function as a family on that schedule. He will leave for work when we go to bed and get home in the morning when we leave. It was so nice having him home and not only are we getting used to him going back to work, he will be on nights again too. I don’t think a person’s body ever adjusts to that no matter how long you do it. Poor Mark has been doing it a long time! I saw it wear on him and going to days was a major positive change in our life. Hopefully this is temporary. I will pray it is.
I think we found a home for our boxer. A friend and neighbor three doors down took her. They have had her a week and have not brought her back so that is a good sign. We miss her terribly but know this is best for her and us. The plus is that she is down the street so we can visit! I couldn’t ask for a better outcome for that.
Well, I will update after the homestudy.
Thank you all for supporting us!

Life Lessons

Everyone is wanting to know..................................Are you ready????

Well the first part of the homestudy was very uneventful. Mark and I sat at a table with our case worker and answered questions like----- What is your biggest strength in your marriage?, Your weakness in your marriage? What does your family think of adoption? Your kids? etc... Most of the questions seemed very simple. At least to us. I don't know if thats a good thing or not. Our discussion was short and sweet. I didn't feel like it was a good opportunity to really KNOW us, but I'm sure its routine. Next week its at our house and a bit more personal I'm sure. I am really hoping for the chance for the case worker to really get a feel of what our family is like and not a cold interview. Of course you look back and wonder what you could have said differently or better since she doesn't know us at all but we just tried to be honest. I was a little discouraged to find out that it will take about 4 weeks to write our homestudy then 4 more weeks to be approved. THEN the matching process. I really expected this part to move faster based on other families experiences I've heard about. Oh well, this is where I get to practice patience AGAIN *sigh* Maybe in time for Christmas we will complete our family. Not that the one I have isn't awesome already!!!!!

School is out for the summer! Wish I had a summer! AH the good ole days! Why didn't I appreciate them more???? I am super excited about Brendan going to his new school this fall. He left school on his last day today sobbing because his best friend all through the year just decided to be mean, rude and hateful the past couple of days. It hurts my heart to know someone could say the things she said to ANY of my kids! Or anyone elses child for that matter! And that child that is hurting so much inside that causes them to be so angry and mean, my heart hurts for them too. I don't understand it and I have an even harder time explaining to my kids why some people act that way. I'm sure in some strange way maybe it was her way of dealing with the separation of friends or something. Who knows. It just makes me sad. I wish I would have been a psychologist like I planned when I was younger. Along with the architect, photographer, model, and whatever else there was! LOL. Full time mom is the best job! I'm sure when the alarm doesn't go off in the morning for school that Brendan will be OVER IT and happy again!! Life lessons are so hard! And everything Mark and I have learned or been through in our lives effected the outcome and the answers we gave in our homestudy yesterday. Everything we have gone through had an effect on that very moment! Thats why its so important to help our kids along the way.

My family and I went to lunch at Chick Fil A today to try to cheer Brendan up a little and there was a nice, sweet black man that was working there. Just carrying trays and refilling drinks. He came by our table several times to talk. His name tag title was Marketing. I'm not sure if this is a new thing at Chick Fil A or what. Anyway, he was facinated with Nicks height.....6'5" or say :) The man couldn't believe Nick didn't play basketball. We have tried to get him to play to no avail many times. But this man really got Nick thinking. The man told Nick that his height was given to him by God and ONLY God and it was up to him what he did with that gift. WOW! I wish I would have listened to advice like that. That is one of my regrets. I hated being tall. He went on to tell him "I promise it will change your life!" HMMM? Who really was that man? Thank God for him!!!
I also want to remember friends today that are going through a rough time right now. I don't want to say names, but you know who you are. I am thinking about you and praying hard for you!



Love you all!

Just an Update

Well thats bad! I forgot my password to get on here. It's been so long. Not much going on. Our first home study is tomorrow. I'm excited. I am so ready to get things moving along. After a little lull I am getting really excited again. I get on the adoption websites occasionally and I see some of the adorable kids and wonder how someone could just give them up or neglect them. I picture them with our family. I wonder what our child will look like. What will their name be?!! Not that it matters so much, but even when you are pregnant you wonder what your biological children will look like. I see Allison with our friends younger kids and she wants to be a big sister so bad. I really think it will be good for her. I do wish at times that I would have given myself a chance to have one more child BUT the way it turned out.........which was Gods plan................ is that we will be helping a child in need of a family AND I am sure I will end up with another girl! Although I knew I wanted to adopt I never really thought it would happen and I'm sure once it does it will be surreal. Adding a new member to the family. Wow! Life is going to be different.

I did decide to put Brendan in the charter school and I am totally comfortable with the decision now. I am just praying I can get Allison in before school starts. She REALLY needs to go there! And I haven't forgotten about Nick. He will be a sophomore next year and wants to finish school with his friends and we don't have a problem with that. He has done really well and there has not been as many problems. Just since he was in elementary school things have really gone downhill in the public schools. Its sad.

Besides that, the family is good. Mark will be going back to work this weekend. I'm not really ready for it. Its been so nice having him home! The kids are good. Getting ready for summer! And the chickens, frogs, birds, cat, dogs, etc. are all still alive and well. BTW, if anyone is interested in a dog let me know :)......... I have a boxer and lab/heeler mix I would love to find a good home for. FOR FREE!! I will be heartbroken to let them go, but I'm worn out! Soon my attention will be even more divided!

Love you all!!