Our first portion of our homestudy has finally been scheduled. It is Wednesday June 3rd. We will go to the Gladney office for 3-4 hours then the 2nd portion will be at our house the following week..... Wish us luck!!!!

Something I'm Not Good At.........DECISIONS!

Well we are still waiting. I figured we would hear something by now, but we haven't. *sigh* Sometimes I don't think I know how to function when NOTHING is going on :). I guess I shouldn't say NOTHING is going on. There have been a couple things, like, a surprise phone call from a teacher and our disappearing fish and the big decision on where to send my kids to school next year.. I just hate to bore everyone with every little detail of my life! A certain child of mine may not want me writing about the teacher phone call either !! I will tell you about the school decision because I would like to hear your opinions on that.

We recently filled applications out for Brendan and Allison in a charter school in Fort Worth. It is usually hard to get into and they have a waiting list. I mainly wanted to get Allison in because I haven't been happy with the middle school here. So, after the anticipated enrollment and lottery we find out Brendan got in. Allison is still #29 on the waiting list. :(

Academically, this school is EXCELLENT! BUT, 30-40% of the teachers are Turkish. I have absolutely NO problem with that, but I am concerned about the language barrier. I had a hard time understanding the man during orientation who is the math teacher for 8th grade. I don't want to switch the kids back and forth to schools. I think we may still be able to get Allison in by September but I am really nervous still. It is very regimined and strict but that beats the public school system at the moment. I have really mixed feelings and have to decide by next Thursday.. Please pray I can make the right decision :) If you have an opinion PLEASE let me know!

Cherish the Moment

I'm a new aunt today!!! My brother's baby girl, Jayden, was born today! I have only seen a little picture on my phone but hope to see her soon. I love babies! As much as I think I want another one sometimes I know after being around one long enough that I have outgrown that part of my life. I wish I could go back to that point sometimes. I don't think many of us truly enjoy that moment in our lives as much as we should. I know I wish I would have cherished the moment more. I was so worried about doing things right, getting sleep, sharing my time, my food and having patience. Having my life revolve around someone else's. Doing things when and where they wanted to, not when and where I wanted to. I admit, I was selfish. I was young. I regret it, but thats part of life. Growing and learning. My kids turned out great despite my selfishness. Thank God! I try to make up for it now. I put aside my own wants sometimes to make them a priority. One day I will have all the time in the world for myself! Its not like they are grown yet, but they don't depend on me quite as much as they used to. It goes by way too fast! It will be a challenge for me to learn to do things for me again. I know that I have to eventually. That too, is part of life. And its a healthy part of life. One that will take some getting used to for me.

My life right now is being a mom :). To me its the best part of life. Being an aunt is pretty cool too!

The excitement is building again. I got the email, OFFICIAL this time, our file is COMPLETE. We have been assigned a case worker and she will be contacting us to schedule our home study. This is the LAST step! I will keep you posted!! Its been such a roller coaster of emotion from thinking WHAT am I doing?? to being so excited and knowing its exactly what we want to do. I know in my heart that we can do this, but there are days I am tired and worn and feel REALLY old and just don't want to do it. Thats the selfish, lazy part of me I guess. I know the results, waiting and work will be so rewarding in the end. We just have to stay on track. Thanks to those who support us! We really, really need it. As part of our family and friends you are assisting us in this ministry. God planted the seed and will also place the perfect match with our family. He will make it happen. It may only be one or two children we are able to make a difference for, but it is worth it. God made a difference in our lives! Its a chance to offer the same to a child that may not know any other way. All of you are a part of this just as you are part of our lives. We can't do it without you. We love you all!

Time to Slow Down

Well its been a few days now. I had to give the adoption a rest for a day or two. I was getting too stressed. And something really awful had to happen to make me step back and slow down.
When I got home Wednesday night the neighbor greeted me at the car to ask me "What happened to your chickens?". We had gotten Brendan 4 chickens that he has been begging for for about 2 years. Mark built him a really cool chicken coop and they were all getting so big. (Awesome Daddy, by the way!) I never thought I would like chickens, but they are actually adorable. They were just like little kids. Anyway, I told my neighbor I wasn't sure what was wrong. They were fine that morning. He said he looked over the fence and something was very wrong. Brendan and I ran out to see what was wrong and all 4 of them were laying over dead! Time to RE-FOCUS!! Nothing else mattered at that time but Brendan. Not the adoption, not work, not the doctors, not what's for dinner............At first glance we couldn't tell what happened, but the door was open and the food and water was knocked down. Upon further inspection they had obviously been attacked by our dogs. Brendan was devastated! He ran in crying. Momma's first instinct is to run out and buy more. It was 6 o'clock already so I called every feed store I could find that was open till 7. No one had any! I finally found a store in Lake Worth that had TWO left. I told them to hold them and we sped over to get them. Brendan was still so sad. He was doing his spelling homework and he said "Mom, I don't know if I can do these. My words are so sad!" His spelling words were ... incomplete, disappear, mistreat, invisible. AW!!!!
Long story short, we got those two chicks Wednesday night and I found 2 more the next day. I bought those two, picked Brendan up from school early, surprised him with his new chicks and took him for ice cream. Thank God I have an understanding friend at work who understands the life of a mother and a company who puts family first!!! So, we are starting over with chicks again.
Then, Thursday I got super sick. Never in my life have I had a headache so bad. After mowing the lawn I was so hot so I went in to cool off. I felt like my body was getting hotter and hotter and I couldn't cool off. My head started pounding harder and harder. I called Mark in and he said my head was hot so he put ice packs on me. I am usually very cold natured. So through the evening this went on and I started throwing up. I almost had him take me to the ER, but I finally fell asleep and by morning the headache was gone. I was nauseuos and got over-heated very easily, so I've been taking it easy today. Doing a little work on the laptop!!
Meantime, the doctor sent our paperwork to the adoption agency. Since I wasn't at work today I don't know if they emailed me to schedule anything but I will wait and find out Monday. I plan to have a calm, relaxing weekend. Hope everyone else has a great one too!!

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.

Warning! This post is going to be long and boring and mainly for my own documentation. If I EVER become as bitter and insensitive as the staff in my doctors office then there is no reason to continue on. How can life be enjoyable?
I started going to my doctor on the recommendation of a friend. I loved them for the 4 or 5 years I have gone there and talked Mark into switching too. For about the past year their customer service has gone downhill. Mark never was crazy about them. The wait was NEVER under an hour and I had to keep Mark from complaining several times. I was just patient because I liked them. The last couple of appointments stretched almost to a 2 hour wait. My last appointment I scheduled 1st thing in the morning and still waited 45 minutes. Mark had gone in for a follow up appointment and had them do a TB test while he was there for our adoption paperwork. The technician failed to tell him to come back in 48-72 hours to have it read. Mark isn't a doctor, he didn't know. So the test ended up being invalid and they told him in order to fill out the paperwork he had to come have it done again. He scheduled another appointment on Thursday. He knew he had to have it read in 48-72 hours which would be the weekend so he called the office just to verify on Wednesday. They said it was fine. He went in and had to argue with them about paying for it a 2nd time. The office manager said he HAD to pay again and he continued to wait. THIRTY minutes went by and they informed him they couldn't do it because the wouldn't be able to read it in 48-72 hours. This was all the paperwork we had left to complete our adoption file and this doctor was not making ANY effort to work with us in any way. EVEN after I expressed to them our desire to get this done as quickly as possible. They said he would have to come back AGAIN, Monday. Not once was I rude or demanding. We decided Mark would go to the Health Department so he could do it on Friday and they could read it on Monday. We got the results back Monday and I faxed it to our doctor asking them to complete the Physician Statement we still needed their signature on with the exception of the TB test results since we had that. I spoke with the Office Manager and she said she would have to talk to the doctor. I waited for her call back the next day after lunch. She said "First of all, where did you get this test done? The health department usually stamps their forms" I said we had it done and the health department and she asked me which one??? I felt like I was being interrogated. Was she implying I was a liar? Also the health department put the read date by 5/13 which would be 120 hours from the time it was administered. I don't know WHY they put that date or what their requirements are but Mark had it read on Monday, 72 hours afterward. Which according to the doctor is the requirement. She put me on hold and came back to say the doctor will fill out the form but she will note on it that the TB test was not done within the guidelines and not performed by her. Fine. I tried to talk to her about what we had been through to get this done and she would not listen. She said she knew the story and kept blaming my husband for not coming back in and said the receptionist doesn't know you can't schedule a TB test for a Thursday. She should know, or she shouldn't be scheduling. We wasted time, gas and money AGAIN! She continually blamed us and did not accept any portion of the inconvenience on the office. Not a single apology! We are adopting, not trying to scam anyone. I assumed they would be on board with trying to assist with finding a child a good home. I guess I was wrong. They are so wrapped up in themselves and building this cold defensive wall they can't see humanity around them. Its so sad. They have obviously forgotten that the patients that support their business and in turn their families are people themselves. My husband and I were made to feel like a liar, an inconvenience, a criminal and it was completely uncalled for. I am still in shock by the way they treated us and offered NO apology. Finally, I asked if they would let me know when they fax the form to the adoption agency and she said no, she couldn't do that, she is too busy and I would have to check with the agency. I asked if she thought it would be today and she said no. They were busy and I could call and check with the agency tomorrow to see if they possibly had a chance to do it. I have no idea what they are going to put on the form. It asks if they think we would make good parents. I really don't know what they will put after all of this. I'm not expecting it to be helpful or good and that hurts. Its very disheartening to see that people shut themselves off to the world so much that they no longer see you as a human being. I hope I'm wrong but I do know that I will never go back to that office. The doctor is a good man and its a shame that his staff is going to be the downfall of his practice. It brings one saying to mind that I hope out of all of this that everyone will remember, especially when dealing with the public or customer service.

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. Plato

Tomorrow Will Be A Better Day......It has to be!

I did get the call back from the doctor's office but they haven't agreed to fill out my paperwork yet and the office manager was very rude! For goodness sake, its not like I am trying to pull some major insurance scam or something. Just trying to adopt a child! Geez!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thats how they've made me feel. So we will see if they cooperate tomorrow. Anyone know a great family doctor taking new patients??
I get that problem worked out for the time being and then get to deal with my mortgage company on the phone when I get home. I actually feel like I really don't exist at the moment. I was talking to them about something I have done with my loan at least 3 different times. Out of 4 people, one of which probably PRETENDED to be a supervisor, none of them showed record of it on my account, EVER! In fact they said its not even possible on an FHA loan!!!! Are you kidding me??Did I dream it? All THREE times? You almost have to laugh. I wasn't laughing at the time, but I'm sure Adrian, the "manager" probably put me on mute while he cracked up laughing after I asked "Are you a manager"?? Uh, Yeah, sure you are Adrian! I used to work in customer service at AT & T. I know that trick. And yes, I was one of "those" customers today. I won't be able to sleep tonight because I can't figure it out until my bank opens in the morning. I KNOW I'M RIGHT! :) And remember that patience thing? I have none!

Whats That Emotion Called?

Its official! My last piece of paper to complete our file was emailed this morning. I haven't gotten a response yet but hopefully it won't be long!

That was how I started this post on Friday. Today is Tuesday and I should probably start over. What is the emotion beyond frustration? Like the girl in the previous post picture, x4? Thats what today is. And that first sentence about emailing my last form.................... so I thought. I did finally get that response I was waiting for and it was something like this........ "WONDERFUL, I have the TB test, now all I need is the Physician Form to get you ready for Homestudy".... This is where I cry.
Seems there was a form I never got and to make it worse, it involves the doctor. ANOTHER form saying we are healthly and to the best of our knowledge, not dying. A form saying our doctor feels we would make good parents. How would they know anyway????? Our friends and family have already provided statements. Aren't they a better source? I am told the same thing again "its a STATE requirement, no way around it". *sigh* If you have kept up at all you know my doctor has not made this an easy process. I am at one of those points where I just want to say FORGET IT! I don't want to deal with the doctor, the phone calls, the appointments, the waiting or trying to depend on someone else to fill out a piece of paper and return it to the adoption agency. They aren't in any hurry. I am not one known for patience either. :). Ask anyone.
Mark tries to be sympathetic. He doesn't get as frustrated as I do. I wish I was just calm and easy going all the time, but when its something I really want, its hard for me.
So, here we are, I am posting an update waiting for the office manager at the doctors office to call me back to see if there is an easy, fast way to handle this without having to go through the whole routine of an appointment again. I also let the adoption agency know my frustration x4 (whatever emotion that is) and hopefully I haven't made everyone at the agency so mad that they send me home with some devil spawn child! You almost feel like you have to be on your best behavior and get them to adore you. But I also feel like they should have made SURE that I had everything to complete our file before when I asked (many times). Its only taken us FOUR MONTHS to get to this point. Am I being unfair to be a little irritated and impatient at this point? Oh well, now they know the 'real' me..... hope it doesn't bite me in the butt. I wonder if I will even get that call back from the doctors office???

Frustration

A bit of frustration today. Well, a LOT of frustration today.
All thats left is Marks TB test. He went and had it done about 2 months ago and they failed to tell him to come back so they could read it in 48-72 hours. SO, he rescheduled for today to get a 2nd TB test done. He called yesterday just to confirm and it was all good to go. He got to the doctor this morning and after sitting there for 30 minutes they tell him since its Thursday they can't do it because they can't read it on the weekend!! OMG!!! Didn't they know that when they scheduled it? I was so mad, just glad I wasn't there. I rarely complain, but when I do, its not pretty! I complained the last time I was in because I was the first appointment and they took a "work in" before me. The wait at that office is NEVER under one hour. Thats no exaggeration! So needless to say we are looking for a new doctor now. I hate to do it because its such a pain but that was the last straw. Mark will be going to the Health Department tomorrow to get the TB test. Hopefully everything will go ok and we won't get swine flu or anything like that! Then we wait until Monday to go back and let them tell us he does not have TB and we can FINALLY move forward :) ..........I hope!!!!

A Good Eco-system Equals a Healthy Immune System

I always read these blogs that are so insightful, deep, and witty. I wish I had that gift. I wish I could capture everyones attention with my writing, but I just don't have it in me. Kids are witty, maybe thats why I love them so much :)...
We had a doctor appointment to get my oldest his TB test and all 3 kids their Statement Of Good Health for the adoption paperwork. We discovered my youngest had not been in to see the doctor for a sick appointment since 2007! I was thrilled because my daughter was always at the doctors office when she was young and lately my oldest has been. They know us by name. I was really proud of the fact at least one had made it 2 whole years! So, I said "Wow, you are healthy!" My son mumbled something under his breath that sounded like "I have a good immune system!". After the doctor left my 10 year old said "Mom, I am so embarrassed, I think I turned PURPLE!" I asked him "why???". He said "Didn't you hear me, I said I must have a good ECO-SYSTEM, I meant immune system"! I don't think the doctor heard him but he was convinced she heard and laughed about it :). I guess a good ECO system could equal a good IMMUNE system, right? LOL.

Anyway, Mark survived the trip to the vet. Only one dog would not budge to go back to the room, so they brought the shot to her! All of our paperwork is done now except Marks TB test (which he already had done, but has to do again, long story, doctors fault ARGH!), but his appointment is tomorrow. I should have his results Friday and we are done with the paperwork portion for now. YAY! Hopefully next week they will schedule our homestudy.

No Refunds, No Exchanges, No Returns

Usually when I tell someone we are adopting a child from foster care they give me this look of "Oh my, you don't know what you are getting into" but the words out of their mouths are "Oh, thats great"! Then the question WHY? We have 3 beautiful, healthy, happy, perfect children already. My question to them is always "why not?". I know not everyone wants a big family and a lot of people just know they are not cut out for it. But why would I not want to make a better life for another child that may not have a chance. A life like my kids have had? I know that it isn't going to be easy, but parenting birth children isn't always easy. I have been very blessed so far. Only minor issues, but I don't know what the future holds. Its in Gods hands. Its a commitment. Parenting birth children and adopting. I know we have to be commited and ready to deal with whatever comes our way. There have been times I have gotten lazy and thought "Aw I really like my quiet, alone time now. The kids are gone doing their own things. Maybe I really don't want to do this again". But all I have to do is see what kind of life those kids have now and what we can do to help. My kids have always done good in school and always been awesome kids. Maybe I give Mark and I too much credit. Maybe we won't be able to handle it. But we plan to do our best. We will make it through some how or another. Or maybe God paved our way and we are ready for a challenge now. Who knows. Time will tell. And hopefully down the road there will be a time to call "my own". Just not now.

There is always a bit of fear lurking in the background. For my own children that I have at home we did have to set certain criteria. Absolutely no sexually abused children. We are not at a point personally to deal with that sort of abuse or put our birth children at risk in any way. There are people trained to deal with that and personally I advise if you have children in your home that sexual abuse not be an option for you unless you have 24 hour supervision of your children. Or if you have grown kids, maybe you are one to take on that challenge. We aren't there.

Yes, although I am sure this is what I want to do, there is still fear of the unknown. We have made a commitment. There are no refunds, no exchanges, no returns!

How the story started

As I said, we decided in January to go ahead and pursue adoption. Between the time we decided and the time I started blogging is a 4 month gap. There are many reasons I waited to tell everyone, but I will try to fill in the gaps as well as I remember now. I didn't want to tell a bunch of people knowing I had the possibility of backing out. Which I have, several times! We had discussed adoption MANY times before, but I always backed out. I knew in my heart from as far back as I remember that I wanted to adopt. What kept me from it every time was fear....... what would the effects be on my birth children mainly. But, I now believe it is a valueable learning experience for them, more than what they may have to "give up" or share. Finally, in January, I decided now is the time if we are going to ever do it. I will be 40 next year! OMG! At the moment I still have SOME energy left and it hasn't been THAT long since I had little ones! My youngest just turned 10! They are old enough to understand now what it means to offer a child a life they may not have had otherwise.
So, I got on the internet and searched everything I could find on adoption. After I realized we could not afford the China adoption that was the first time I almost gave up. I let it rest for a couple weeks and decided to start researching domestic adoption. It was scary. Most of the kids you read about have severe disabilities or have suffered major, unthinkable abuse. I had to keep my birth children's best interest at heart. I read horror stories and love stories. Its a gamble. You have to do your research. Mark and I decided to just follow the path and see where it leads us. You never have to say yes.... to anything.
We picked an agency and filled out our application and the process began. They sent us lists of paperwork that had to be filled out and returned. During the past four months that is what we have been working on. The state requires you to follow certain steps. None of it has been difficult, just time consuming. We should have ours finished this week. We are waiting on our son and Marks TB test results and our dogs rabies shots. Thats THREE dogs and one cat! ALL going to the vet today. That should be fun since Mark only has use of one arm after surgery yesterday. Luckily, they don't require livestock vaccinations! LOL... My youngest has 4 new chickens he has been dying to have, living in our chicken coop in the backyard :).
We attended a required Adoptive Parenting Class Thu, Fri, Sat this past week. Some of it was common knowledge, but it did give you a lot of information about a child coming from fostering that you may not think about. Every single one of those children go through a grieving process from losing their parents (abusive or not) or foster family. They can overcome it but it takes time and training. We got to meet several adoptive families and their kids. Many are adopting for a 2nd or 3rd time! After attending the class I know even more that I am doing the right thing. I didn't let people scare me and I'm so thankful I carried it through. We have even changed our mind about what we had in mind when we started the process. Many of the adoptive parents said the same thing. You have to be open. Open your heart to what may not feel comfortable. When we started we wanted one little girl around 6 or 7. We haven't counted that out, but we are also considering a brother/sister group. Ideally, we would like a 2 or 3 year old girl and 6-8 year old boy. But we are open. It will be interesting to see how it ends!!!

Its getting close!

So, up until now I have kept it pretty quiet, telling only a few close friends and family. Its something I have wanted to do as long as I can remember. I never thought it would actually happen!
In January 2009 we set the plan in motion and decided to pursue adoption. Our original thought was to adopt from China, but it was very costly. Since then we have decided to do a domestic adoption. In Texas alone there are 6,000 kids FREE for adoption! We did lots of research and decided to follow through. I have almost backed out many times out of fear but didn't. I am so glad I didn't. We are finally approaching the end of all of the paperwork and it is getting exciting. We should be adding to our family by the end of the year!
I am not the greatest writer and not real good about updating on a regular basis either. But I plan on trying. Since it is becoming reality now I would like to keep friends and family updated as well as have a journal of our experience. Hopefully we will encourage others to consider adoption or be a source of information for those interested!
Currently we are waiting for our homestudy then comes the matching process! Won't be long now :)