Some Are Left Behind

I’m not doing so well at becoming faithful to my blog. I am super sleepy today and really didn’t have the energy to blog, but I am making a good effort. I intended on keeping my blog generally about adoption so I have been trying to think about where to pick up at. Its hard for me to go back so I will start in the present and throw a few things in here and there. She seems to be doing remarkable well. I keep waiting for the bottom to fall out, but maybe we have just been blessed with a great child. Don’t get me wrong, she isn’t completely innocent, but its nothing that isn’t typical of any biological child. She tries to be sneaky, doesn’t always listen or pick up after herself and she argues with her brother. She fits right in. There has only been one day so far that I was truly terrified at what we had done to our family. I felt sick and was ready to back out and go back to life as we knew it. There was more than adoption going on that day though. It was nothing a little sleep didn’t fix. It was a weekend of high emotion. A death in the family and our new daughters arrival. There was lots of anticipation and stress built up along with raw emotions. I cried a lot that day. She wanted to go back and missed her brother. That was about the 4th day she was here. We have only had one day like that since.. We are all starting to learn about each other and its finally feeling a little bit comfortable. The thought has even crossed my mind that I would want to adopt again. Almost like going through childbirth, you say you will NEVER do it again but its amazing how soon afterward you forget and are ready to do it again. I can think back and I remember all the frustration I had going through the process, but I can’t say now that I wouldn’t do it again. I’m still trying to “get over” my baby urge. I know that honestly I don’t want to deal with the diapers, schedules, doctors, formula, etc again but on the other I would be willing to do it! Oh, well, I will get over that unless a baby just drops down in my lap!
I still find myself going to the adoption websites and I get emails with videos and stuff that I watch. It still tempts me. I think I always try to put myself in the other persons place and try to imagine what they are feeling and that’s why my feelings are so strong about adoption. Lately, I have thought of the children that never get adopted and never have a family to call their own. Can you imagine? Even at the age you are now, independent, with husband and kids possibly, but no one to call family as far as mom, dad, siblings, etc. We can never even imagine what that would be like. Most have never known that life. Think of those left behind to make a life for themselves. It would be so lonely and there are kids that have to live their lives that way. I know at this point that our new daughter is not bonded with us like family bonds together. She appears to be, but I know she isn’t. It takes time and I just pray that some day she can trust and depend on us like family does. I try to imagine what goes on in her little head sometimes and maybe when she is older she can tell me. I don't want her to feel alone in this world. We have been blessed with the people in our life that have come forward and supported us and our daughter. There are many that God has placed in our lives and its obvious, like our neighbor who has offered to teach Tiffany some of her Hispanic traditions in cooking, my dear friend who adopted her daughter about 11 years ago that picks Tiffany up from school sometimes and all of our other friends and family that have helped us maintain a somewhat typical and normal life of our own and not let the other kids get lost in the shuffle! I know we will have our trying moments, but I know this was Gods direction for us. I have a couple of issues to discuss with the therapist next week that I will blog about next time!