Good Intentions

Well, I would like to start blogging again but I just don't seem to have the time. Its been so long I don't even know where to start anymore. Those of you that know us know that we changed Tiffanys name. For this blog I will refer to her as Tiffany. She was finally placed with us on March 26. The day before me and Marks 15 year anniversary. So much has happened since then. For the most part things have been great. We have only had one emotional breakdown and it was a few days after she was here. I think we were all in the state of shock that its really happening. That along with total exhaustion and a mixture of many different emotions. She is always happy and never cries. That bothers me a bit, but I guess I should be thankful. I almost feel like she is avoiding the "feelings" though. The kids are all doing well and its becoming evident that Tiffany is a SISTER, not just a visitor. They get on each others nerves and argue just like any other siblings would. We have had many firsts with her already. First day of school, first Easter, first field trip with mom, first mothers day and many more to come. I hope eventually I can put into words some of the many feelings I have felt since her addition. Tired is what I feel right now! Yes, there have been times I wondered what did I do and also times that I couldn't imagine not doing it. It will take years of adjusting. And as crazy as it sounds I still have an emptiness that would love a baby, although, I am learning to accept that my time of being a mommy to little ones is over. I just wish that young mothers could see now how quickly that time goes by and cherish every single moment. Yes, I will always be a mom and I am so thankful for my wonderful children. I know God knows what is best for me and I am learning to accept it. It has been very hard though. Hard to move beyond that phase of my life. Hopefully I can become faithful to my blog again and start documenting the phases of emotions we have and will have throughout this life journey.