Warning! Whining Ahead......

I don't like writing when I'm bummed, but this is my only outlet. So, if you don't want to hear me whine feel free to stop reading now! *smile*
I keep reminding myself of the saying above "Beautiful thoughts and positive emotions are what makes miracles"...
I am just so exhausted. Mentally. I really want to hear some news. Its so hard to just sit and wait. I want to pick up the phone and ask the agency if they have heard ANYTHING and remind them I am here. But I know they haven't and I know they will let me know as soon as they have news. So I revert back to just waiting, keeping it all inside, trying to be patient, trying to cover up my exhaustion. I check my email, check the adoption website and rarely see anything different. Occasionally, I catch a new child that I submit us on or get an email saying they recieved our homestudy and will contact us if we are selected. Besides that, not much else. I sit here in my own thoughts because I don't want to burden anyone else with my needless impatience. I also do not look forward to Waiting Part II once we are matched. Its a different kind of wait, but wait none the less. I just feel so defeated and so tired. I am ready to see an end in sight or even sometimes... ready to just quit all together and not worry about it anymore. I feel like I am wasting precious time and not being all I can be for my friends and family now, but I try to hide it and muddle through like usual. Its hard to just relax. I mean its really not THAT bad right? Could be lots worse. Its just waiting, for something you have wanted really badly, for so long! Yes, even now I still wonder if we are doing the right thing. If we made the right decision, but HOW can it be wrong? Are we too old? Are we past that stage in life? I feel like the process is adding years to my life as I speak and I know that isn't good. I don't know how any normal person can completely put it on the back burner and not be anxious or impatient or not think about it most waking hours. How do you control such a strong desire? I don't think you can. Yes, I know its in God's hands and I try, daily, to let God's timing be my peace, but its a daily, hourly, moment by moment struggle. I do trust Him and I know when I look back some day that His plan will be obvious, but WOW, getting to that point is so incredibly hard! I am very thankful to have support of family and friends going thru the process themselves. I don't know how I could continue on without that. They encourage me to press on!! I hope and pray we hear something SOON!