Still waiting……..! I thought I really had it under control now, but I’m realizing I think it was the holidays that helped me put adoption on the back burner for a while. It felt good not anticipating an email or a call from the case workers. It was nice not to feel the need to get online and check the adoption website hourly, at least! Sometimes kids will appear for an hour or so and then disappear after that because of the large response they get. It felt good not to get discouraged every afternoon if I didn’t hear anything. I felt like I was whole and together for a couple of months after being in a fog for the better part of 2009! *SIGH*!!!!! I’m trying not to fall back into that funk, but I feel myself slipping. I need to find a hobby or something to occupy my time. Its got to be a cheap hobby, so that counts a lot out. Working out seems to keep coming up, but I am REALLY having a hard time getting motivated to do THAT!! Now that the holidays are over its back to real life. The bills, the routine, the car problems, homework, cooking, cleaning, blah! So it gives me lots of time to just “think”. It’s probably a good time to go home and dig all of the unfinished hobbies back out and start completing some of them!
I’ve been told that God is really changing and growing us through this process. I wish I could see it like everyone else can. I do feel maybe I’ve gained a little patience, just a tiny bit, and maybe some tolerance and some acceptance. I have learned to accept what I cannot change (or control). I would love to be able to see from the outside looking in what God is doing. Sometimes its hard to see unless you are on the outside looking in. Brendan took the picture I used today and it always amazes me to go back through my camera after he has a day in the yard taking pictures and see all of the beautiful things he "finds" that I would not have seen otherwise. Sometimes I think, "Wow! All of this in our own backyard!". There is so much we don't see unless we pay attention.
As I type this I got an email titled “The Power of Example”. Funny it relates to what others see in our lives and how God is working in them. Good and bad. Just to share a few points in the email:
What can people do to bear another ‘s burden.
"Some of the greatest truths in life are caught and not taught."
What are our family members, co-workers, or other associations "catching" from our actions today?
"Set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity."
1. Wholesome speech
2. Purpose filled life
3. Demonstrable love
4. Overcoming faith
5. God-honoring purity
I feel like I have a very long way to go, but I do see how this past year God has tried to grow me in these areas. Although I don’t always feel I am successful at some or all of these, I hope my kids are learning and hopefully can see me trying. Then we will be equipped to help a child that has probably never experienced these things to trust and find comfort in God!
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