What I Am Learning

If there is one thing I have learned this year it is to TRUST AND TO ACCEPT GODS WILL. Through all of the frustration I have learned through telling myself God has a plan and I have to wait, no matter how long it is or how hard it is or how much I detest it. There is so much comfort within when you realize the truth in all of that. When you are able to trust and wait and know without a doubt there is a plan even amongst the frustration it is so gratifying. And even if you don’t like the way it turns out you are able to say I know there is a reason. Who knows better what is best for us besides God? We don’t even know what is in our own best interest. There is no way to know. We can make educated decisions, but ultimately we have to trust that God will direct us and will make final decisions. He will show you the great rewards for your obedience and devotion to Him. Things you can’t even imagine.

Passing the time

I have found a great show on t.v. called Adoption Stories on the WE network. It’s on at 5:30 a.m. so naturally I tiVo it! It is a 30 minute show that features a different family every show and a condensed version of their adoption journey. They show the actual people and the adopted child. It is so good! It makes me that much more excited about adopting. I look forward to watching it every day. The kids have watched it too and really enjoy it. I think it really is starting to give them a heart for adoption and helping them understand more our desire to do it.
The waiting can be maddening. I ended up emailing our caseworker and expressed my frustration with the lack of communication. She was very sweet and I got to let off a little steam *smile*.
We are going to a potluck Saturday night for waiting families. Going to a party with a bunch of strangers is definitely not me and Marks “thing”, but I think we are going to go. I just feel like we need to. There is also a “matching party” in San Antonio in a couple weeks, but I think we have decided against going to that. I feel like it would be very awkward mingling with other families and children wanting to be adopted. I would feel like I was competing to “purchase” a child. I don’t think I am comfortable with that situation.
Brendan is getting his new bed today so in actuality we will have three extra sleeping areas! Things are getting crowded but that’s ok! It is not looking like we will be able to share our camping trip with new family members this year. It would have been a lot of fun, but I know our child/children are out there, just waiting and we will get them at the right time. I am anxious to be able to look back and understand why and how things happened the way they did. It will all make so much sense then.
In the meantime, if you get a chance to watch Adoption Stories please do!! It is a great show!

In It For the Long Haul

Well after connecting with several adoptive families I am ready for the long haul. It seems very typical to wait a year after approval. We were just approved in August so I am putting the brakes on my emotions and expecting things to start happening next year. We may get lucky and something will happen sooner, but I’m not going to anticipate it. It is helpful to have people tell me those things so we will know what to expect. I have heard many devastating and disappointing stories and we are ready for it. I was told adoption is not for the “weak”, your emotions will be tested and there will be major highs and lows. I know I may not handle these things WELL, but I know I have to handle them somehow. In the end we will be stronger and God will bless us with the perfect child/children when He thinks we are ready. I should probably apologize now for my ups and downs through-out this next year. I know we will have them. We are willing to wait for the perfect time and match though. Thanks to my new friends for their stories, advice and support!

Children Are A Blessing

I listened to a radio show on adoption today. I am not ever very good about putting my thoughts into words, but they said something that I feel and could never put into words. It made so much sense. I have written a lot before about reactions that I get when people hear we are adopting and how many times I have let others reactions scare me out of adoption. They said you have to overcome the “worldly” view of children and take on a Biblical view. A worldly view perceives children as a burden, too costly. Biblically they are a blessing from God. That is SO true. All the fears people, including myself, have about adoption are based on the worldly view. They are afraid of the cost and the risk. Those were fears of mine. I could never explain the desire I had to adopt. It definitely comes from God. There is no such thing as a child with no risks, adoptive or birth. Nothing guarantees our own birth children won’t get sick or follow a disappointing path in life. We do the best we can and I believe you are always taking a risk with marriage, birth children and adoption. I am not sure how and when the attitude about children turned into what it is now. I will always have in my mind from now on when I fear the unknown in adoption that I have to stop thinking in the worldly view we are trained to apply to life and remember children are a blessing no matter how they find their way into our lives.